brought all americans together in agreement. >> president obama took a shell acting. >> he was not properly prepared for this. >> the president didn't bring his a game. >> he was just so dull. >> he looked tired to me. >> romney won hands down. >> he was very, very bad last night. >> jon: there is no red america there is no blue america there is only the america that can't believe how bad this guy did in the debate. how bad was the defeat o bama lost despite mitt romney doing this. >> i'm sorry, i will stop the sub sid to pgs. i like big board, i like few, but i'm not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from china to pay for it. >> jon: mother [bleep] fired big board. america's favorite nonfried bird. he fired big board and won. beloved children's character. romney could have water boarded aladdin, put down blue, deported dora the explorer. and still won walking away. romney won with the sound up. >> your title of the president of your own airplane, house and facts. >> jon: romney won with the sound off. dude, he's yelling at you. look up. look up! wha

and they are going all out preparing. >> president obama and governor mitt romney are preparing for wednesday's debate on in denver. >> msnbc obama's leaving on sunday for two or three days of debate camp. >> oh, debate camp! >> oh i remember going to debate camp, i remember like no sports, a bitter rival, camp normal malfun. >> let's see if i remember the debate camp stopping if i can. ♪ >> on the shores of lake rhetoric, we practiced logical consistency. will beat your ad hominem attacks on false tautologies. and logical falsie. >> not in the face! not in the face! getting your ass kick is actually written into the song! >> so two highly accomplished men to see which one becomes the most powerful man in the free world. >> romney has to be chomping at the bits. >> beth myers tells campaign surrogates there are several reasons she believes the president will be likely to win the first debate. >> he has done these kind of debates before, this is mitt's first time on this kind of a stage. >> oh! >> maybe he is more on home at the vegas stage. >> r rated hypnotists or two gay germans trying

from obama to romney this time. >> my heart and soul would really love someone like reagan. y captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, should churches endorse candidates? well, can you make an attack ad out of stained glass? (laughter) then, the candidates prepare for tomorrow night's debate. president obama has a whole new set of long pauses to memorize. (laughter) and my guest is univision news anchor jorge ramos. but it's my show so i'm going to call him george raymond. (laughter) the lead singer of creed says he won't endorse president obama! well, that settles it, obama will not win the 1998 presidential election. (laughter) this is "the colbert report" (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the "report" everybody, good to see you. (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the "report." thank you for joining us. well, fol

of stained glass? (laughter) then, the candidates prepare for tomorrow night's debate. president obama has a whole new set of long pauses to memorize. (laughter) and my guest is univision news anchor jorge ramos. but it's my show so i'm going to call him george raymond. (laughter) the lead singer of creed says he won't endorse president obama! well, that settles it, obama will not win the 1998 presidential election. (laughter) this is "the colbert report" (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the "report" everybody, good to see you. (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the "report." thank you for joining us. well, folks, that is the song that never ends. (laughter) folks, today is the biggest day in the history of publishing. since steve guttenberg invented the bible. (laughter) because today is the official publishing date of my new book "america again: rebecoming the greatness we never weren't." (cheers a

philosopher, rand mcnallly. a short time ago president obama and governor romney wrapped up their first debate. who knows if they even had the debate with yesterday's bombshell. full day, drudge-con one, blue siren alert, obama race video. hannity had the exclusive. >> tonight you will hear from barack obama like you have never heard from him before. a video has been uncovered from a campaign event in 2007 of then-candidate obama. it contains some of the most divisive class warfare and rarlly charged rhetoric ever use by barack obama. >> jon: casually tossing out words like honky, white trash, o-fay, spf-45 wearing mother... the video had been widely covered when the event occurred in 2007, but that doesn't matter. i'll let hannity's guest explain. >> people say, this has already been reported. well, it hasn't been, and i know because i reported on it the first time. [laughter] [applause] >> jon: so let's see some of the highlights of this, explosive video. >> cracker ass, cracker ass cracker. i wish that cracker would have said some [bleeped] to me. saltine ass mother [bleeped]. [laughter] >>

race! mitt smoked obama! metaphorically, of course, mormons can't smoke! and folks, after last night's debate in denver our image of these two men has completely changed. and i am not the only one who knows it. >> it looked like romney wanted to be there and president obama didn't want to be there. >> stephen: yes! it was like obama wasn't even there. he hasn't done this poorly since he debated clint eastwood. (laughter) meanwhile-- (cheers and applause) meanwhile, romney was the alpha mitt, slapping obama around. and, anyone else who got in mitt away. >> i'm sorry, jim, i'm going to stop the subsidy to pbs. i will stop other things. i like pbs. i like big bird, i actually like you too. but i'm not going to keep on spending money for things to borrow from china to pay for it. >> stephen: he just told the moderator who works at pbs, i'm going to throw your ass out on the street, old man! you-- (cheers and applause) you, not only you-- but all those freeloading muppets. that takes not just one ball, but two, two enormous balls! (applause) but, folks, as much as i enjoyed the triumph of

it is, your moment of zen. >> we just watched president obama three and a half years. i don't think he's governing this way at all. i think that's why... i think that was going to becaptioning y comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight, mitt romney still trails in the polls! could bit because they contain other choices? then a breakthrough in men's vitality. >> what vagina substitutes we will be throwing footballs through next and my guest is country music legend kenny rogers, i will ask him if those islands in the stream make good tax shelters. and pornographers were caught filming in the cornell university library. clearly, they could not get into the hear extraordinary library. this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> colbert: welcome. that is incredible. ladies and gentlemen, thank you. good to have you with us. boy, i can feel the electricity. i can feel the electricity. ladies and gentlemen, in here, out there, across america, you know why

diet coke. but that's not looking good either because obama currently leads romney by 10 points in ohio, 9 points in florida and 12 points in pennsylvania which wouldn't be a problem if between now and november 6th we can just get 290 million people to move to arkansas. (laughter) arkansas, come for the mess, stay because you traded your car for meth. but-- (applause) but, folks there is no reason to panic over these pole numbers. just ask mitt. >> i'm curious to what you would say to your supporters, your donors that might be concerned that this could be slipping away way. >> i'm very pleased with some polls, not with other polls but at this early stage polls go up and down. >> exactly, it's still early, there are 40 days left until the election amount of lot can happen in 40 days. bama could make a gaffe. mitt could win the debates. god could send a flood to destroy all mankind. so there's hope. (laughter) in fact, the election is so far off, why are we even talking about it. mitt isn't talking about it. last week when a reporter asked him if he was going to start campaigning harder r

't remember his name. that's why he trails not only obama in the polls but also what is going on buying guy and hey, there, chief. with what is going on big guy? >> i can't. i told you i would call. >> and he is behind despite his inspiring populist message, vote for me, you parasites. luckily, luckily, washington post columnist and ventriloquist knows why obama is ahead, righting the nation which is reluctant to declare a president a failure is especially reluctant to give up on the first african-american president. yes. somebody had to say it, the president is only winning because he is black. i have always said, our system is rigged in favor of african-americans. now, i am not going to win an knapp award, naok, naacp award r saying this but black people in this country have gotten one free ride after another, starting with the first one, and let me -- it is true! it is true! >> okay, let me ask the white people. okay, let me ask the white people. i believe there might be one or all of them in my audience, right? has a black person ever thanked you for freeing the slaves? when i walked

statistics are cooking the books for their buddy obama. of course they vow there's no conspiracy claims before the number is ever released there is an eight day security lockdown during which confidentiality agreements are signed each morning and computers are encrypted and data locked into a safe every time one of the analysts goes even to the bathroom. but that doesn't mean they're releasing all the numbers. when those analyst goes to the bathroom is it number one or number two. america needs to know! and folks, this thing is too big for the bureau of labor statistics to have done it all alone. it has to go all the way up to the bottom. think about it. last month 114,000 unemployed moochers. the president's natural allies, suddenly yank the government teat out of their mouths, get off the couch for 40 hours a week, why? i say follow the money because i found out that right around the time those people got those jobs, they started getting paid. (laughter) and just where does that money come from? right out of the pockets of the job create evers. how's that for your socialist redistribu

's proposed 20% across account board tax cut. >> the obama camp says independent groups say if you cut those tax rates for everybody 20%, it costs $5 trillion over ten years, true? >> not in the least bit true. >> stephen: true, not true, who cares? (laughter) it's over ten years. romney and ryan will only be in office for eight of those. let president bachmann worry about it in 2020. that is what hindsight is for. but folks, just listen to this pit bull. >> how much would it cost. >> it's revenue neutral. >> i'm talking about the cut, we'll get to the deductions. >> the cut in tax rates is lower all american tax rate by 20%. >> how much does that cost. >> it's revenue neutral. >> stephen: okay, revenue neutral, chris. but for some reason wallace wouldn't take no answer for an answer. (laughter) jim? >> well, it's not revenue neutral unless you take away the deduction. >> let me just -- >> you haven't given me the math. >> well, i don't have-- it would take me too long to go through all of the math. >> stephen: great answer. (laughter) why-- (cheers and applause) great answer why is it a gre

these corporate handouts, no matter how small, is about principle >> president obama today calling for an end to $4 billion of tax breaks for big oil. $4 billion amounts to -- are you ready? -- it represents 0008%. $5 trillion, and this president is focused, for whatever reason, is .0008% of the problem. >> jon: forgetting for just a second that $4 billion is not .0008% of $5 trillion but in fact .05%, what's a couple of zeros between lead financial analysts on a business network? but let's focus on the argument which appears to be that $8 million is greater than $4 billion. in the words of a certain mathematically inclined vampire, i believe the quote would be "that's bull [bleep]." so why would conservatives, why would conservatives feel so strongly that sesame street has to go? i'm kind of getting the sense there might be something else going on here >> i thought sesame street was supposed to be sharing and being nice to people. over the years they've gotten more liberal >> brain washing in the most obvious form. >> pbs, sesame street, public television suckal at the public teats for taxpa

to suppress the black vote, which has gone 95% for obama but it wound up hurting innocents like jim cramer's dad. (laughter) so sorry, old people. that (bleep) was meant for us, not for you. (laughter) >> jon: it's not -- it's not your fault. it's -- okay, so i shouldn't have -- sorry. >> look, jon, in the world of voter suppression black folks are the delicious tuna. (laughter) irresistible. world war ii veterans and grandmas are just the innocent dolphins who get pulled up in the net. (laughter). >> jon: um -- in your mind where did these laws go wrong? >> right, well, look. they're too indirect. you can't just make a law and hope it disproportionately affects black people! (laughter) i mean, you have to make sure it disproportionately affect as black people! and not just on paper. racism works best in person. distrust but verify. (laughter). >> jon: like a cop pulling you over for, like, a d.w. b. (laughter) >> sorry, what's that, jon? >> jon: a d.w.b., you know, like a -- driving while black. (laughter) >> did you just learn that phrase, stkpwhro *pb. >> jon: no! no! yeah. um -- cat wi

the obama administration. (audience reacts) and have real refs and real leaders fix this-- >> jon: what the hell? how did you combine the-- you can tie any situation, i guess, into that. "you know, i'm glad jerry sandusky is going to prison. but you know the person really raping america's children is president obama with his unfunded mandates." (cheers and applause) for more on the n.f.l. labor dispute we go now to senior correspondent john oliver outside n.f.l. headquarters in new york. john, what is the status right now of the n.f.l. dispute? >> well! (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> who families both alike in dignity, one the referee, the other the league of national football is locked in dispute ages old. oh fair referees! (laughter) shirts bestripes arms akimbo with only a flag and wheus toll examine desperation and fair n.f.l. battered but unbowed like henri at agincourt from this day to the ending of the world! (cheers and applause) but we shall be remembered. we few, we happy few, we band of brothers! (cheers and applause) >> jon: my god. my god. that's-- (cheers a

Excerpts 0 to 42 of about 43 results.